The pressure!!

Second day in to a new year, 

I am already sobbing, 

In fact I have spent all morning crying!! 

Great start, I keep telling myself! 

You were meant to leave this behind, 

You were meant to be happy this year, 

This is not a good way to start the year,

Sobbing now! 

What’s coming? 

The pressure!! 

I am even saying it, 

How are you going to start your year?

Start your year the right way!!!

It doesn’t always mean it’s that easy, 

In fact, 

This time of year is so fucking hard,

And I thought for the first time I had made it, 

I thought I had done all the right things, 

I actually enjoyed Christmas, truthfully, not just for Facebook, 

I enjoyed my new year too, 

Truthfully, 

But I also spent the last week of this year in bed very very unwell, 

Unable to function physically or mentally, 

I started the new year,

Feeling scared,

The pressure!!

I just want to be ready, 

I want to be strong, 

I want to be joyful, 

Peaceful, 

Yet I still feel so broken, 

So fragile, 

So fucking vulnerable, 

And I realize now…

I am BOTH,

Because that is life, 

Just when you think your ‘fixed’ 

Another crack appears and more glue is needed, 

So here I am again, 

My heart and soul on my sleeve, 

To show you the reality that life can be,

And to remind you,

Like I am reminding myself today,

It’s OK not to be OK.

Take the pressure off!

All my love and strength,

Mental Mumma xo