Tonight my heart breaks, 

I’m terrified, 

I’m scared shitless, 

I am a mum having to let go, 

I spent my weekend telling women just how amazing they are, 

And it is shown to me again and again, 

The strength, 

The protection, 

The resilience, 

The love, 

The care, 

The responsibilities and heartbreak we go through just blows my mind, 

My boy starts school next year, 

And I know…

He will be fine, 

He is strong, 

He is social, 

He is ready, 

But what I also know?

He is about to begin to endure the pain that life can be, 

And that is devastating, 

As a mum, 

As a parent, 

To have to let our children out into the world where pain is inevitable,

For so long now I have been able to protect him,

From so much of the hurt and devastation we are surrounded by,

Everyone looks at me like I’m silly,

Just another mum,

Not wanting to let their baby go into the system,

Into the big wide world,

 

But that’s not what I am,

It pains me to no end,

To think there is no way in this day and age that I can fully protect my boys,

To make sure they don’t get hurt, 

But to also make sure they don’t hurt others,

We all think we have the most beautiful children, 

We all think they would never hurt a fly,

 

But the truth is, 

We don’t know what their future holds,

And letting him go into school, 

Letting him out of my grasp, 

Yeah that fucking hurts and I am not going to apologize for it anymore! 

We can do so much at home, 

We can teach them the right behavior, 

We can teach them kindness, 

But we are not there when they get put in difficult situations, 

We are not there to guide them every single step, 

They have to start taking those steps on their own, 

And no, 

I’m not being negative, 

I am being realistic with our society at the moment and the help it needs to come out of darkness into light!! 

I still get shocked with things I hear, 

And it just terrifies me, 

Right now, 

I’m worried, 

I ain’t going to apologize, 

I am just going to keep doing the best I can to teach my boys love, 

Love from their heart and soul,

And intuition,

So they know when something is not right, 

The rest, 

Yes, 

I know, 

I have to let go!

Now don’t get me wrong,

Seeing the joy on my boys face as we explored his new school,

It was nothing short of spectacular,

It lit me up to see just how excited and ready he really is,

But it’s the reality of the situation,

Bittersweet.

All my love and strength,

Mental Mumma xo