I’m lost, I feel stuck, I feel like I’m being strangled.
I just want the abuse to let me go, when will it let go of me?
I just want it to LET GO,
The tears are hurting again, really hurting, they had got easier, why are they hurting again?
It’s just going to be so much harder than I keep thinking it will be.
Why can’t my healing be over, can’t I be ready now, can’t I just go out and help people now? I don’t want to keep doing this work on me. I want to be done, please, can I just be done.
It just always comes back to me
How much more can one take. I’m not talking about the past few months, I’m talking the last 25 years or more!!!
I don’t want to talk anymore, I can’t bare to talk.
God I feel like my heart is open tonight, like I’m awake in an open heart surgery and I can see and feel them ripping my heart out.
I still haven’t even said it, I haven’t said the words,
Can I?
Can I really tell the world what happened?
Can I really open my heart like that?
I am not sure I can say the words, maybe then it makes it real? Who am I kidding it’s already bloody real. I live it everyday!! EVERY DAMN DAY! Sometimes I just want a break, so let’s do this, let’s say the words..
I can’t. I just can’t.
I have cried tonight, really cried, tears rolled down my face and soaked my top. I have cuddled the pillow on my bed and curled up as tight as I could. Tonight it hurt, it really really ached. Sleep…peace.